Two Jewish Jokes

From Fritz Stern, Five Germanys I have Known, p. 99:

1

Two Germans on vacation in Italy meet at their modest hotel, discover their common interests, go on long and reverential walks together — in short, delight in each other’s company. On the last evening of their holiday they celebrate their chance encounter with a bottle of vintage wine. One of them says, “This has been so special! I want to tell you something now, in all candor: I’m Jewish.” The other, a Christian, replies, “I, too, want to be equally candid. I’m a hunchback.”

2

A pastor and a rabbi are old friends and spent many vacations together. On one of these, in the mountains, they lose their way as darkness falls, stumble along, and then finally see the light of a peasant hut. They knock, enter, and explain their predicament to the peasant woman, who welcomes them. She explains that alas she has nothing to offer except some fish. In time, she comes with a plate containing one glorious, big and one scrawny, small trout. Pastor and rabbi take turns refusing to help themselves first, until finally the rabbi takes the big one. Says the pastor, “You know, I don’t have an anti-Semitic bone in my body, but none of us could have done that.” Rabbi: “Done what?” Pastor: “Taken the big one.” “What would you have done?” asks the rabbi. “Taken the smaller one, of course,” the pastor said. “But that’s what you have!” the rabbi replied.